I can’t believe the last update I made was in May. That’s absurd. Summer just kind of steam-rolled me and I’m still feeling the effects of it as we’re maybe halfway through, but I had to give at least a small update and recap.
I don’t even know what happened all of June. It just blurred by, and July has been even worse. I can’t go into too much personal detail but something completely unexpected happened–good, but stressful, and when I say stressful I mean the kind of shit that most people don’t survive without some kind of mental breakdown. Luckily, I was already mentally broken down so I have cruised through everything and seemingly FINGERS CROSSED, August looks to be less…intense.
The above photos are from probably my favorite day all summer…I went to Butterfield Canyon with Allyn and Ender. Our plans to go down the other side were washed away in the rain, so we turned around and came home, but it was so amazing to get out of the city and be in the rain and dirt and trees. Why don’t I do this more often? It’s a form of self-care and it just doesn’t happen nearly enough.
I decided in May that I was going to try handwriting in a journal, mostly for Ender, because there are things I want him to know that I just don’t care to put on a public blog, and also because that will be something he can continue to keep track of when the nuclear apocalypse inevitably happens. But I can’t seem to find the right journal to do it with. They’re all so small and obnoxious. Or they’re not lined. Or they’re not pretty enough.
I did buy a small journaling pad and though it’s been nice and I’ve gotten a few good sketches out of it, I’ve decided I need something bigger.
-Hot Air Balloon Festival
-Zombie prom and walk (and I have an AWESOME makeup unveiling!)
-Salt Flats racing!
For real, I’m trying to keep the “doing” to a minimum because I’m just exhausted. I’ve “done” enough in the month of July and I’d just love to sit around for my birth month and enjoy my family.
Here’s a Currently:
Other than that? Just a lot of murder and crime TV. What else is new?
thinking about my health. I’m 30 and I feel 90. There are so many things I want to do but these changes last if they’re implemented slowly and the best place to start is my diet. I WAS on track there for awhile and then life punched me. I still am thinking a lot about my health these days.
wondering how to make more money. Wondering WHY I have to make money. Hating society. Feeling stressed. Wondering if I can make it by digging out a nuclear shelter and just eating platain for the next twenty years until I die. I really, really hate modern society and I don’t care how cynical I sound. I’m so over it. I’m so over both Allyn and I having to break our necks with this work-obsessed culture where wealth is something the average American will never achieve. I’m just sick of it. Wow this got dark huh? Always on my mind though, lol.
enjoying Ender. He is such a good baby. He’s so smart and strong and wonderful. He hasn’t quite gotten attached to me in the way where he loves on me, but he does scream blood-curdling monstrous screams if I walk away from him, so there’s that. I’ve been going a little nuts on the pinning of baby birthday stuff, so that’ll be our next big party for sure.